I’ve been thinking a great deal about promises. And potential. It has not been an easy rumination to say the least and I cannot say that I enjoy sitting with these thoughts. In fact, it has been quite unenjoyable. But, I remind myself, this is the work of self-actualization (which, ironically, has to do with potential).
When we make a promise, we are indebting a piece of ourselves to that commitment. It is a bargain struck. We are placing value on that commitment with our stated intentions and pledging our honor as collateral. How many fools have entered into an unwitting bargain in literature or film? How many Johan Faust or Oliver Cromwell stories of a lust for power need to be considered to understand just how meaningful a promise is? Need we also consider the import of covenants and promises in our religious texts?
In sum: Promises Are A Big Deal.
When we break a promise, the blow strikes all parties. We make the person counting on us feel that they are not important; we make them feel disrespected and insignificant. We teach them not to trust in our word, which is wound to us and a wound they will carry when next asked to trust another.
But what about the promises we make to ourselves? Does it not strike us doubly? By breaking a promise to yourself, are you teaching yourself to lose faith in your capability? Are we sowing self-doubt that will cripple us later? If I break my word to another, I make them feel unimportant and disrespected. If I break my word to myself, I make myself feel those same things. Be mindful then, that you honor the bargains you strike with yourself today.
I suspect, like many things, it is about being mindful. Do not make a promise you cannot keep or strike a bargain you cannot honor.
I am…ahem… occasionally accused of being hard on myself. I hold myself to such high expectations that failing to meet them or maintain them sometimes feels like a broken promise. Perhaps, what we should be promising to ourselves is merely to try our best, to be gracious, and to forgive.
The next hurdle, then is the promise of potential. Be wary of this! Potential encourages you to live in the future rather than the now. It is a fantasy of some imagined you that looks down on the real you slogging through the mire of today. How can today measure up against the fantasy of potential?
As teens in school, some of us were praised for having the potential to go far. Some bemoaned that we wasted our potential. Still others were cautioned about honing in on one expertise when we showed potential in many fields but felt paralyzed to choose one direction.
Being called a Jack of all trades is not a compliment. This sarcastic comment suggests that we have failed to master any one subject and instead have dipped our toes in the superficiality of too many ponds. We have failed our potential. But, I’d like to argue, since when is being multi-talented a failure? Shakespeare was famously called a Jack of all trades; Leonardo da Vinci might be considered one as well. They were more than one thing.
We can be more than one thing.
Historically, Jack was a common name likely denoting someone of the working class. He has appeared in literature references since the 14th century. Jack gets around. Jack might have trained as a builder but took on extra jobs to supplement his income or to lend a hand in a community that lacked someone who specialized in a particular trade. In what way is that a failure? Working hard for one’s family and fulfilling a need in one’s community does not strike me as a failure. Jack lived in the now and did not compare himself to some imagined perfect husband. Father. Professional. He had a life to live and things to get done.
We could learn a bit from Jack. Being multi-talented is not a failure but a sign of a hard worker or a seeking soul.
I will continue to sit with my thoughts about promises and potential. I invite you to do the same.
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